Where I to say that the answer in every case is a lady, I would be cracked, to us the Ulster idiom.  Each help to underline the message that the feminine contribution to the zest of everyday speech in Ulster is more formidable than us ladies are given credit for.  When it comes from a woman's lips the overhead comment will often be more colourful, more caustic and more quotable than if it wee a male utterance.  This is incontrovertible!  In my rambling, my aim is to stress the unique quality of the observations chosen ("He was worse many a time than the time he died").  I do not seek to demonstrate whether or not a woman's tongue is the sharper or the more penetrating than a man's but it is, without a doubt, a lot more colourful - nae - graphic.  To all my sources which include some of my nearest and dearest relatives and friends - I am genuinely grateful!

"She was the colour of a livin' corpse," is definitely more expressive than 'She wasn't looking very well.'
"A coat's a right hap on a freezin' day" is unquestionably more graphic than 'Cold, isn't it?'
It was more than once said of young Dr. Porter that "he has hands like a feather duster!" - meaning he was gentle.

It is safe to say that scenic delights are not the only attractions Northern Ireland offers the visitor.  The women-folk can be relied on to say a mouthful almost every time they speak, as was the case with the mother watching her children paddling in the sea on a windy afternoon:  "I'm dead scared of them bein' cowped by one of them title waves.  I'd be beside myself."  Translated into the mother was frightened that her children would be swept away by a wave and that in her horror, she wouldn't know what to do!

"You could tell she was well brought up by the way she always rifts behine her hand," shows an enthusiasm for the niceties of social behaviour!  It is important to know that the lady was troubled with "the wind" and did all she could to conceal it.  "You'll only be gettin' a mouthful in your hand but it'll keep the heart in you till the table's set," simply means that the table won't be laid!
The initiation, "Come roun' in an hour.  You needn't bother dressin' for you'll be gettin' a slice of apple tart on your knee," should not be taken literally!  A plate is certain to be provided, it means, it is a very casual affair!
Ulsterwomen are generous to a fault.  At the drop of a hat you'll be invited to "Come over the marra for a wee bit of lunch.  I'm not much of a cook I know, but I'll throw you up somethin!" - needs no explanation!!
A Ballymena woman stood solemnly beside the coffin at a wake and was heard to say "If he was half at himself this night, he would be right glad to see me."

Dining out has elements of its own in Ulster.  A shopping interlude over a cup of tea provides an excuse equaled only by a chat over the garden fence, at the corner of the street or under a hair dryer.  Two women in a cafe, waiting to be served, were discussing television repeats and one asked, "Do you like Mickey Rooney?"  "I'd rather have spaghetti." was the reply!

"Isn't there a quare drap in the nights?"- means the nights are getting coder!
"That hate's desprit.  I'm swatin; the piece out.  After this, I'm after a pair of sunglasses for my head's jumpin'." - translates into it is very hot and the lady is sweating profusely and, to add to her discomfort, she has a headache!
"Know what I'm goin' till tell ye?  My man coughed all day there the other night." - means that her husband had a cough that lasted quite a long time.
"My man came home well oiled, so he did.  This mornin' he was rusty all right!" - means that her husband came home drunk last night and has a hangover this morning.
"Mrs.. McKinnick there, she's a cute one.  Nathan but a big lump.  There's nat much of another body's business that woman likes to miss." - translates to she is a large woman that is likes to know everyone's personal details!
"I was just going away in to get on me only I thought it wouldn't matter what I wore and what's on me would pass me." -meaning, she had considered changing her clothes but she decided what she was wearing was fine!
"I haven't seen her for ages but I'd know that oul bake of hers anywhere," - means even though she hasn't seen this lady for a long time, she would still recognise her.

Lastly, my thanks go to my great-aunt Audrey who was from County Armagh and had left her native town to live in Belfast.  She took ill and told her sister (my great-aunt Enid) when she visited her in the hospital, "If anything happens to be it would break my heart to think I'd be buried in Belfast.  If I live till I die, I'll be buried in Tynan, should I have to walk it myself."

I hope you understand AND enjoy my ramblings!  Look forward to talking to you next month - may your giving hand never fail you.

 Siaryn Duggan