Living the life of "you can take me out of Ulster but you can't take  Ulster out of me" has been a constant for me.  I am informed by family and  friends that the more I get to know someone, the more comfortable I become, hence,  the more "Ulsterisms" I am inclined to come out with.  I do not hear  myself being any different and it is only when a stranger is introduced that I  begin to see the dazed and confused facial expressions.  To this end, I  have  taken pen in hand and written down information and a few helpful hints for  the general population.  There is no straight translation for Ulster to English to American - it is a rough but joyous road - enjoy the trip!  Amid the welter of comment about Northern Ireland in recent years,  surprisingly little note has been taken of the unique qualities of the  speech of the people.  For some reason, only sparse attention has been  paid to their lively, colourful use of the Queen's English. To the fact that  Ulster is a paradise for the connoisseur of the colloquial, where the  idiom has qualities no less striking than those which mark Scouse, Geordie,  Cockney or Glaswegian and where so often it is not so much what is said as  to the way it is said!  A woman shopper in a Belfast supermarket was heard conveying this  confidence  to a friend.  "D'ye see me?  D'ye see m' man?  D'ye see cheese"  Well, it  makes him throw rings round him."  Anywhere else in the world the  information would most likely be communicated by a simple statement such  as "Cheese makes my husband sick."  This serves the purpose but it fails to  conjure up such a vivid picture of the man of the house and his particular  dislike!  A stranger might get the impression that it would not come amiss if a  notice warned Belfast Airport arrivals, "English nearly spoken here." Quite a lot  of the language of the people is Elizabethan.  There is a long list of  words  and phrases still in daily use as Shakespeare used them, expressions such  as  'It's a brave day,' or 'I've been thinking long.'  A county Londonderry child asks "Where has my cap got to?" and will talk  of "mitching school" in complete ignorance of the fact that he is using  exactly  the same expression as Sir John Falstaff when referring to Prince Hal!  Similarly, a Belfast woman will say of her ailing husband "He's a thought  better this morning," quite unaware that she is following the usage which  figures in As You Like It.  In many parts of County Down the statement 'It be to be' simply means  'What's to be will be.'  It is better not to be too hasty about  criticising  what appears to be bad grammar.  At the time of the Act of Union, the  Speaker of the House of Commons is quoted as having said, 'We have the  Scotch catched.'  His language was not even considered ungrammatical let  along unparliamentary.  Certainly those who keep their ears cocked in  Ulster  can be assured of hearing constant usages with qualities of their own,  qualities that show a distinct sense of word-power.  Meteorological exchanges in Northern Ireland are more than likely to  circulate around the rain.  On a wet morning the visitor is apt to be  surprised when greeted with the salutation 'Saft?'  His best bet is to  politely agree, even if he has no idea whatsoever that this is local  shorthand for 'Damp, isn't it?'  The taciturn Ulsterman will often say  'Stry' rather than 'Dry kind of a day?' - again adding to the confusion of  the stranger.  'A right shower' means  the rain has been fairly heavy but  'An hour's heavy rain would do more good in a week now than a week's rain  would do in a month later on,' translates to a longing for the end of a  particularly long dry spell because the crops are suffering!  'Sharp  enough  for two pairs of braces' is self explanatory, although it requires some thought by the uninitiated if someone who has been away on holidays says  of  the weather they experienced!  'A wee bit of a plout' is another variation  of 'The rain did not last,' but if the word 'Spittin' is directed at you, it  means you should think of reaching for your raincoat!  'We had a  wee skiff yesterday' is intended as a helpful comment on the weather that  has passed, in the same vein as 'It's a good job you weren't here  earlier for it was rainin' shoemaker's knives!'  Siaryn Duggan